Needs

Another question that was put in the daily dialogues was, “What are my needs and how does my answer make me feel?” Often times we have unmet needs in relationships and if we have too many of these unmet needs in our marriage, it leads to us not wanting to stay in the marriage any longer. It’s important to recognize that your partner won’t be the person that is fulfilling all of your needs. However, it is still important for you to have needs and be able to talk about them as you discuss how they’re going to get met. We often learn how to have relationships by how we see people in our family having relationships, such as our parents. In our own relationships and marriages, we try not to do what was done there. When we look at things like how you’re getting your needs met, you must ask yourself if you can you get your needs met by this person and if it’s okay that you need to get your needs met in other ways (as long as you can keep your boundaries and commitments in your marriage that make you both feel comfortable). For example, some people like to go out more or have more physical activity than their partner and that’s fine to do with other people. This way, it’s not an area you’re sacrificing, but rather a way in which you and your partner can find some balance in different ways regarding how you each want to be in the world. Try to have a conversation with yourself first and look at the unmet needs in your life and be realistic about the ones that your partner can meet. 

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