Transformations and changes are showing up in my divorce support groups!
My divorce support groups that begin as eight-week series often evolve into groups of people who continue on by joining the next session, and then extend their participation with series after series. The reasons are varied, but most of them feel that getting to the next level of healing is right around the corner, and they are motivated to keep working toward that goal. In the past month I have been hearing so many inspiring stories in my divorce support groups, that I felt I wanted to share some of them with you on my blog.
Many members of the group are realizing that key issues in their relationship actually began in their family of origin, and are just being repeated with their partner. They feel like these issues have followed them around all their lives, and the group helps them to explore this. Some of the discoveries that have been made recently:
• Someone realized that she had been suppressing herself and her personality in her relationships. She wants to get herself back.
• A couple recognizes that the fall of their relationship happened two years prior to its ending and they didn't notice. They're working on being more present in their lives.
• Some members have noticed that they are just “too nice”, avoiding conflict at all costs. That then establishes a certain kind of way that people relate to them. Now they want to be more honest in their relationships, to be able to talk about the hard stuff and survive it. More than survive it.
• Others have discovered that they somehow don't feel worthy of a great relationship, that they continue to pick the same kind of wrong people and keep accepting the same kind of bad behavior. They want to stop devaluing themselves and stay more conscious of who they're choosing to spend time with, who they are letting become part of their lives.
• Many want to find a better story to tell themselves about why their relationship ended. They are striving to make it a story about growth, hope, and transformation.
Can you stay true to yourself, and then can you also connect with someone else? Having healthy relationships means you continually work on your health, including your emotional health, work on your ability to connect with others, learn how to have productive conflict, explore your interests, and just start being more of yourself. The relationship you have with yourself is extremely powerful. If you really know yourself, work with yourself to adjust the things that are uncomfortable, manage your idiosyncrasies, realize when you're disconnecting from people and yourself...You are healing! And you may begin making healthier choices regarding the people you choose to share yourself with.
If you are struggling with these types of issues and need support, please consider joining one of my separation/divorce groups.
There you can get beyond your divorce and find ways of healing and transformation.